How can I control anger?

The answer to this question will be quite long. Yet not everything can be said.

Anyway, let's first understand what anger really is. If you Google it or search for it on any popular search engine, you'll find various explanations. Some are even so complicated that to understand them, you'll have to open and read many other pages, and even then, you might say, "I'll see it later" without understanding the whole thing. Even your AI assistant also will tell you the similar things. No-no, it's not a joke. That's my opinion at least. But I always try to explain things very simply.

So, I say - Anger is such a feeling of discontent in a person that as it keeps increasing, it destroys both the body and mind.

In scriptures, it is said that anger is one of the six enemies (SHADRIPU or ARISHADVARGAS) in Hinduism or Seven Deadly Sins in western belief system, that leads humans to the path of hell. The six enemies are: Desire (KAMA), Anger (KRODHA), Greed (LOBHA), Attachment (MOHA), Pride (MADA), Jealousy (MATSARYA).

In the Gita, Lord Krishna says - anger destroys spirituality and mental peace.

Buddha says - the main cause of all the sorrows in human society is anger, followed by greed and ignorance (TRIVISH – The Three Poisons).

Rishi Patanjali says – one of the five main reasons for all the sorrows in human life is anger.

So, now you can easily understand how dangerous anger is; and still almost every human holds such a destructive thing within himself.

How does anger manifest?

It can manifest in various ways – arguing, glaring, shouting, cursing, throwing things, hitting, even killing, and much more. These can be seen directly. Besides, there are many things that cannot be seen – such as –

Being silent in anger,

Leaving and going elsewhere in anger,

Saying things in a huff,

Keeping the fire of revenge burning in the mind

and much more.

Why don't you really want to understand the subtle manifestations of anger correctly? You feel that it is nothing, but, in reality, anger has already taken hold of you. For an example: – you've already been late for the office, you're rushing to catch the next bus or train. You're carrying a medium-sized bag in your hand or a heavier one on your back. And now you missed the train or the bus just for a few seconds or you couldn't get into the bus or the train due to your backpack.

What you're experiencing now in your mind, is 'anger'. Do not let this feeling take over you at all. If you do, bit by bit, it will engulf your entire lifestyle, and will ultimately destroy both your mind and body.

This is a very common thing. It happens every day.

How then will anger engulf my entire lifestyle?  

Then let me tell you a little story. The place, time, and characters are changed.

Vikash used to work in a private company. He lived in the city. He had two children – a boy and a girl. The girl was older. She went to school. The boy would be enrolled in a school next year. Vikash's wife didn't do much. She was just a housewife. Quarrels and disputes in the family were almost ‘zero’ – you can say it was a completely happy household.

As the days went by, there came a day when the next day the ‘Big Boss’, the head of the head office, would come to visit the branch office – Vikash's office. And Vikash would get a promotion that was due for the past one year. At least Vikash had such a forethought. Almost all the members of the staff also had been interacting in the same mode.

So, from early morning, Vikash started eagerly speaking to his wife, praised his brother-in-law and sister-in-law a lot, although he kept thinking every moment, "Let me get the promotion once, and then I'll tell you I am far better than your brother." *

The wife was obedient. She was very happy but still she kept thinking, “Now he(Vikash) dominates me so much, God knows what will happen if he gets the promotion!” **

The demands of his son and daughter for various things had kept changing since the previous night to the morning – now this and then that, and Vikash accepted all without saying a word of contrast. ***

Vikash's wife invited a neighbor woman walking on the street and offered her tea just to boast that her husband’s promotion had been confirmed while it was not. ****

With every compliment from his wife in the presence of that woman, Vikash would nod silently, grinning with all teeth out. But alongside all enthusiasm and happiness an unknown fear was slowly creeping into the wife’s mind. "Who knows what would happen if the promotion actually happened!"

However, due to all this, Vikash was slightly delayed in leaving for the office naturally. In a rush, as he came out of the door and moved a few steps ahead, he realized he had forgotten both his mobile phone and glasses. By then the wife had closed the door behind him and went back to the kitchen. With each knock at the door, Vikash's patience seemed to be waning.

And as soon as the door opened –

"Hey! Where the hell did you go in a second?" Without opening the shoes, Vikash dashed to the table and saw that there was no mobile phone or glasses. Even his concentration seemed to decrease a bit. "Where did you put the mobile phone and glasses? Give me quickly."

"Where should I put them? You never brought them down in the morning. Wait, I'm bringing." Swiftly going upstairs, the wife brought the mobile phone and glasses. "Already you now have started forgetting things; the pressure of work will increase after the promotion. Just mind it."

"So what? Couldn’t you have brought them? Huh! You have no sense of responsibility. Give them to me now. It’s only today that I got late."

"Oh my God! Is this also my responsibility?"

Without paying attention to his wife's words, Vikash got out of the house and hurried away.

He missed the train by a couple of seconds. Then and there, his wife called him, "Did you catch the train?"

"Yes, I've reached the office. Damn it!" He hung up the phone in a hurry. " Did you catch the train? Disgusting!" Vikash imitated his wife’s words with utmost disgust.

Amid instability, noise, and chaos, the next train arrived. There remained always a bit more crowd in it. As Vikash tried to squeeze in, a young man’s elbow, who was almost hanging outside the door of the moving train, hit Vikash's spectacles and one of his lenses slipped off his nose and glided into unknown through the gap in the crowd. Vikash felt like cursing. If a gentleman of over forty years abuses a twenty-five-year-old youth in a verbal quarrel, then the matter usually escalates a bit. Without going inside, Vikash had already started shouting at the door. The altercation began right next to the door. As soon as the next station approached, the young man, accompanied by a friend, grabbed Vikash and pulled him out of the train with a slight push.

"Whatever has happened, leave it, brother."

Who said that? No, no, Vikash didn't say it. Others did. It wasn't really to support Vikash, but just out of courtesy being ordinary fellow passengers. The difficulty was that there was no familiar passenger with Vikash in this train. Yet, Vikash alone seemed to be equal to a hundred.

Be that as it may. It seemed today’s boys were a little better than those of Vikash's era. They didn't do anything to Vikash. They said, "Please give your spectacles, we’ll get the lens fixed."

"You've done enough, brother. Just let me go and I’ll fix it for myself."

"Alright then. You fix it yourself please and catch the next train. The next train is in seven minutes. These seven minutes will be your punishment for that rude behavior of yours. Come on friend. Otherwise, we'll also be late like him."

After the two boys left, Vikash realized that he needed to make a call to the office, but anger had clouded his mind. The phone was almost dead. The battery was only 2%. It had already been running out at night. Unlike every day, it hadn't been charged in the morning.

"Hello, this is Vikash. I need to – " The phone died.

The story needs to be shortened.

Then many years passed.

However, even today, some people point out Vikash to others and say – that's him, Vikash.

"Oh, this is that person who beat his wife for not getting a promotion?"

"Yes, exactly. The wife has compromised a lot in life. They live under the same roof but are almost separate."

"It has a very bad effect on the boys and girls, doesn't it?"

"Of course, it does. His daughter has a job in the IT field and lives somewhere else. The son is very unruly. He often quarrels with the other students in the school – sometimes even engages in physical fights. He's been warned twice by the school. The boys in the neighborhood always avoid him. Luck –you know – It’s all about luck."

The story ends here but the answers to your questions haven't ended yet. It's not just luck. I don't believe in luck. It's the result of a person’s actions. Simply put – the Karma.

Let’s analyze:

* The attitude of showing off to the wife's brother after getting a promotion – greed and pride (arrogance).

** Now he dominates, what'd happen later? – Envy (Jealousy).

Yes, envy arises in people towards their own brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, husbands, and wives. I see it every day.

*** Accepting all the demands of the children – Attachment. (Desire to give something to close ones)

**** Inviting from the street to home, offering tea, and falsely ensuring husband's promotion to the neighbor – Envy, Greed, and Pride.

So, we see that among the six enemies, primarily envy, attachment, greed, and pride, these four enemies give rise to 'anger'. In other words, 'anger' is the combination of these four enemies. Therefore, this enemy ‘anger’ is the most dangerous one.

Well, one thing I mentioned in my previous blog is that stress leads to anger. Let's check that here now.

When you see something that you do not have but desire to have, envy will arise in your mind. The desire to attain that thing will be dominant in your mind. This desire is attachment. Continuous desire for a thing or a person transforms into greed.

From this desire or greed, two further situations arise –

1) When achieved, one will feel like – "I also have it, it’s not only you in this world. I am also here with the same status." – Pride. Simultaneously fear of losing that thing or status also will arise from this pride.

2) Even after desiring for a long time, if someone doesn't attain it, then a kind of feeling will arise – "Oh, whatever brother, I've seen a lot of such things. I don't care about it. All this is very trivial to me." – Pride (Arrogance) born from inferiority with frustration.

And obviously, from any of these two, mental pressure or stress continues to increase resulting to more frustration and sorrow, and ultimately anger.

Gradually, anger continues to increase, and eventually, it explodes.

Some even commit murder.  I have heard many so-called astrologers say – Mars and Saturn are very malefic in this chart, a red coral is required, and a blue sapphire too. Oh brother, when you yourself do not try to control your mind, why blame Mars-Saturn? In my long experience in astrology, I haven't seen anyone's anger decrease due to wearing red coral. Moreover, irrespective of any ascendant, house, conjunction, moon sign and aspects, blue sapphire  and red coral should never be advised together. That increases distress.

However, this is a different aspect. Although there is a relationship, our current topic of discussion is not that.

Then how will anger decrease?

Yes, that is our topic of discussion.

Let's start with Swami Vivekananda –

Regarding anger, Swami Vivekananda said – if you can control your mind, anger will automatically come under control.

Wow! Everyone knows that. But how to control it? Not everyone can be like Vivekananda.

Maybe or surely –maybe not. But Vivekananda himself wanted us all to be like him by following his words. It means everyone in the world should be like him. Which true mentor doesn't want his disciple to be like him or even greater than him?

Anyway, to reduce anger – I say – to fully eliminate it, what you first need is your own firm determination. That is, whatever happens, whether it's political, social, or anything else, you will not get angry with anyone, not even if someone abuses or hits you.

Think, analyze, find solutions, do everything – but no anger.

And only then you will start practicing letting go off your anger.

You must practice the following that will help your resolution of not becoming angry: 

1) Speaking less:

If you use a lot of oil and spices every day to cook meat or any other delicacy, it will taste very good initially, but after a long time, various diseases will surely appear in you – some may disappear with proper treatment, but some will stay with you throughout your life if you continue to enjoy that taste.

Just like that – if you speak a lot and feed your tongue a lot, you will feel very good – “I can speak so vast and so well! I can beat anyone in talking, no matter what. I am so logical I bet.” But after being obsessed with talking – answering everyone justified or unjustified irrespective of any situation, you will surely be avoided by people around you, and just as too much oil and spices makes your stomach upset, excessive talking will give you a headache, you will lose your clarity, and your words will hold no value to the listeners.

Speaking too much is another major cause of anger.

A very good lawyer or leader speaks a lot in court or in front of the public – they may say many lies, but you will notice that that lawyer or leader is very serious at other times and speaks very little.

So, from today, try to remain silent as much as you can. Then engage in mindfulness, premeditation, and meditation.

I meditate, yet I get very angry. Why?

The answer is very simple. Before starting meditation or concentration, you must prepare yourself completely. Only then will you benefit from meditation. Otherwise, your anger may even increase further. How to prepare yourself is all in the Yoga Sutras of Sage Patanjali. If you can, read it.

If you don't know how to swim, what will happen if someone throws you in the middle of a pond/river?

If you try to make something other than iron from a piece of iron, it must be melted in a furnace, or it must be red hot in the fire and then be beaten to shape.

That's it for today.

In the next blog, I shall tell you the summary of Sage Patanjali's Yoga Sutras and how to easily control anger from it.

If anyone personally wants to learn 'Ashtanga Yoga Meditation' or 'Mantra Meditation' from me, then click here to contact me via WhatsApp.

Take care, stay healthy.

May everything be positive.