Recap:

What is Anger?

Anger is such a feeling of discontent in a person that as it keeps increasing, it destroys both the body and mind.

Preparation to Control Anger:

Your firm resolves. ‘No matter what happens to me, around me, or to my family members—be it political, social, or otherwise—I will not get angry. Not even if I am insulted or attacked.’

The First Way to Control Anger:

1. Speak less.

Now, on this blog:

Before I proceed, let me tell you something important that I shall tell you here only those methods that I have personally used to control my own anger. You can find thousands of ways on the internet. Some of mine might match with those, but certainly not all. Therefore, I affirm that what I am sharing is entirely proven and true.

Let's begin with the Bhagavad Gita:

Where does anger come from and what happens afterwards? In the Gita, Lord Krishna tells Arjuna—

(Gita: Chapter 2, Verses 62-63)

ध्यायतो विषयान्पुंस: सङ्गस्तेषूपजायते |                     

सङ्गात्सञ्जायते काम: कामात्क्रोधोऽभिजायते || 62|| 

क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोह: सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रम: |

स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यति || 63||

(dhyayata vishayan punsa sanga teshu upajayate ।

Sangaat sanjaayate kama kamat krodha abhijayate।।

Krodhat bhabati sammoha sammohat smriti vibhrama।

Smritibhranshat buddhinaasho buddhinaashat pranashyati।।)

Translation:

If a person dwells on earthly matters, attachment to them arises; from attachment, desire is born; from desire, anger is produced. From anger arises delusion; from delusion, memory is confused; when memory is confused, intellect is lost; when intellect is lost, one is ruined.

In other words, if a person gets too much involved with earthly affairs, it leads to attachment, attachment leads to desire, unfulfilled desire leads to anger, anger leads to mental instability, mental instability leads to ‘memory confusion’, memory confusion leads to the destruction of intellect, and the destruction of intellect leads to the ‘downfall’ of a person.

Here, 'memory confusion' means the disruption of sound thinking, and 'downfall' means life becoming miserable.

We know the phrase 'blinded by anger’ which means being blind in anger. In this state of anger, people make many mistakes. Rather, it would be entirely accurate to say that during moments of anger, a person cannot do anything properly.

This aligns with the mental aspect of life flow according to the Gita.

Now, let's understand where the most harm occurs in the body due to anger – it’s the liver.

Anger causes the most damage to the liver. And we all know that almost the entire human body is regulated by the liver.

This means what is written in the Gita is completely true: "Anger leads to downfall."

I have mentioned in my earlier blog post that when desires are not fulfilled, mental stress increases, which ultimately leads to anger. And it is from these desires that all our faults are born – both physical and mental.

So, to control anger, mental stress must be reduced first. And I have already mentioned the stress management techniques in my earlier blog post.

Ugh! So, how to control anger?

Hey, look! When you say this "Ugh!", that's stress. And if you can't be patient for a while more, you'll get angry. Do never let this happen.

Alright, before answering this main question, let me add to it a few similar questions on Anger Management, that many people often ask me. And then, once you read my entire explanation, you'll get the answers to these questions altogether.

1) I've been trying many different ways on how to control anger, yet I feel like I get angrier than before. Why?

2) I have attended classes on how to control anger and stress, practiced breathing exercises and Pranayama, and still do. But now everyone at home says I get angry faster and more frequently than before. Where am I going wrong?

3) I go to Guruji's Ashram, listen to Guruji's words, meditate for long periods, and try all the methods on how to control anger I find on the internet. I also tell others to try these methods, but no one of us benefits. What's the reason for this?

4) Everyone says, "Count from one to ten or say 'Rama Rama' during anger." It doesn't work at all. In moments of anger, nothing comes to mind except anger. So, is this method false, or am I doing something wrong?

5) I keep writing in my diary about the causes of my anger and what I feel like doing when I'm angry – "I get angry if this happens, I get angry if that happens, I feel like slapping, kicking, breaking someone’s head," etc. Now it feels like I'm always engulfed by anger. I feel only anger all around. Should I stop this? Is there a better way?

There are many more anger management questions, but I'll end with these for now.

Now let me tell you that psychologists and psychiatrists, deduce some character-based information and suggest various methods of anger management or stress management based on that information. In very severe cases, they also prescribe medication. This is a good thing. There are various concepts in psychology or medical science that are probably true, but it’s not always possible to suggest the correct method or precise medication and treatment.

For example: Weight gain or weight loss.

The common reasons are usually two – food or stress. One doctor will say to adjust your diet – eat less if you're overweight, eat more if you're underweight. Another doctor will say the main reason is stress. So, he will provide stress medication and advice on stress management. Yet another doctor will say – you must manage both. Remedies for stress and diet regulation.

In medical science, this is called Multifactorial Causation – meaning a disease has multiple causes. There could also be a third reason here – genetics. If someone in the paternal or maternal family has it, it might occur as well. So, which medicine or method will work correctly? It’s difficult to say.  Not only that – it becomes a loop, like – eating more or eating less due to stress, results in weight gain or weight loss, and then gaining weight or losing weight leads to more stress. Medical science may not fail here, however, in reality, many patients do not recover. I know many people with obesity who start going to gym to lose weight and eat more – because if you go to gym, you need to eat a bit more, right? So, what’s the point? They also do Pranayama and meditation for stress. But nothing works. On the other hand, those who are thin and stressed eat more and go to gym too but due to stress nothing works for them either. There are many advertisements in the market for how to lose weight – showing “before” and “after” images of a man or woman. Oh dear! Those are all misleading. They are all edited with Photoshop to exaggerate the results, making it look like the person achieved dramatic weight loss when, in reality, it's just digital manipulation, and the person in the photo gets good money from the advertising company.

The anger issue is exactly the same. Perhaps even more so. Personal mentality, hereditary mentality, current stress, diet, social aspects – when all these combine, what medicine will you take for anger and what methods will you use?

Various methods? Wrong exercises? Wrong Pranayama? Wrong meditation? Counting from one to ten? Rama Rama? Writing in a diary?

Nothing will work. It isn’t working either you can see from the questions I mentioned above. Only those who proceed correctly and use the right methods are controlling stress and anger. Others are just wandering around, increasing their anger.

So, what is the right method?

I won’t say whether it’s right or wrong, but I want to remind you that by following these simple methods, I have controlled my own anger, and many others are benefiting from them as well. I’ll share them now. Not one or two of them; you must do all of them together to see results.

1) Speak less – The less you talk, the less anger you will have. To start this habit, be silent at the dining table. If you live alone or eat alone, practice this habit when talking on the phone or discussing something. Throughout the day, before saying anything, pause with your finger on your lips and then speak after thinking. At first, it might feel awkward and time-consuming, but it will become natural later.

2) Practice a gentle smile – Always, both with and without reason. While keeping that smile on your face, think about what situations or words make you angry. Can you really manage those? Always remember to maintain the smile even when thinking about those anger-inducing situations. If the smile fades, everything shall be futile. The day your family or friends call you crazy for always smiling, that will be the first day of your success.

3) KYC – In the bank, when opening a new account, they ask for ‘KYC’ which means Know Your Customer. The bank wants to know who you are, where you live, etc., so they ask for your authenticated identity card with your photo on it. Here, in my theory, KYC means Know Yourself Completely. If you don't fully know yourself, it will be impossible to control anger.

In this context, let me say, and I will keep saying:

Do whatever you want, but don’t become obsessed with anything.

Obsession is also a cause of anger, and persistent obsessions can lead to OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

For example, someone tells you that a person is bad – you internalize that belief without verifying it. Conversely, if someone tells you that a person is good, you internalize that too. When someone else contradicts this, you would get furious. You would think, “What are they saying? Am I a fool? Don’t I understand anything? I’ll prove them wrong.” This tendency to prove someone ‘wrong’ is really a very dangerous thing in anger management.

In politics, supporters give rise to anger in places like tea or coffee shops, hotels, trains, stations, buses, bus stands, and many other places by fostering such beliefs. They internalize what they see on TV or read in the newspapers as gospel truth. This behavior is the same across the educated and uneducated – all are under the influence of obsession.

Will you try to explain this to someone? Be careful! If you do, there will be arguments, and it could even lead to fights. So, focus on correcting yourself and leave others alone. I understand you want to spread the nectar of wisdom – but in a pot full of deadly poison, a drop of nectar won’t help. So, save that drop for a mildly poisonous situation.

Now, let’s talk about how to KYC.

Keep asking yourself how you do things, how you talk to others – do you treat your close ones the same way you treat neighbors or strangers? Do you behave with others in ways you don’t like for yourself? Do you try to advise others on subjects you’re not fully knowledgeable about?

I see countless people behaving like a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer – without any proper education. Everyone seems to know everything. Real doctors or lawyers don’t speak for free – because they value their knowledge, while others seem supreme in advice and arguments.

You never do this. Always verify your knowledge.

What unnecessary things do you keep talking about? How much irrelevant talk do you engage in during the day that you think is necessary? For instance – saying that ‘it would have been better if something had been done differently’. These ‘would haves’ and ‘could haves’ statements are all unnecessary. Never say them.

If you practice all of the above, you will find your own faults.

Regarding knowledge and ignorance, the world-famous philosopher Socrates once said:

"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."

In the current society filled with know-it-all’s, always remember this quote and try to understand its deeper meaning. It won’t then take long to develop a better character in yourself.

4) Always keep a sense of happiness within yourself –

That gentle smile on your face will help you maintain a feeling of happiness. No matter what happens, don't let that smile and feeling fade. Suppose a police car stops you because you missed seeing the signal and you get fined. Even at this situation, don’t let your smile and happiness disappear.

How crazy it is! Of course, one will get a little angry here. Some people say there’s a positive side to anger. For instance, a senior at the office scolds a junior, and the junior, who hasn’t been working until now, suddenly gets the task done. Isn’t that a positive aspect of anger?

No, not at all. But yes, it’s true that your anger got the work done quickly in the office. But, let me tell you the truth: if you get angry for even a second for any reason, it will keep growing in various ways over time. In fact, when you feel slightly angry for a good cause, such as motivating others to complete a task quickly, your subconscious mind internalizes that anger and prepares to express it in various ways, at different places and times, and with increased intensity. In psychology, this is called ‘Anger Escalation.’

So, does that mean a father should never scold his son, a teacher should never scold a student, or a senior should never scold a junior, even if necessary?

No, not at all.

But yes. If necessary, you can show anger only like a skilled actor – false anger, which should be purely an act and nothing more. Even then, the smile on your face must be hidden within your mind.

If you can do this correctly, you can be sure that you are on the way to conquering your anger.

Let me remind you my saying:

“Do whatever you want, but don’t become obsessed with anything.”

5) Create a mantra or recite a made-up mantra –

Choose a few simple words with very positive meanings. Then, recite it day and night. No, not while you’re sleeping. However, as you get used to it, the mantra will continue even while you sleep. Eventually, this will become your mantra meditation. I’ve discussed what the mantra should be in my earlier blog ‘What is Meditation?’

I’ll mention a bit here as well. Never use these phrases:

“I won’t get angry,” “Anger, go away,” “I am not angry” – these are all negative and will create negative aura. Using these will only increase your anger day by day.

The words that may be Mantra are:

“I am so calm.” “Oh, merciful one!” “Mind, be at peace” – these are very positive and will create positive aura around you.

You can find already created mantras in scriptures.

‘Om Namah Shivaya’

‘Allah hu Akbar’

‘Ma-Ra-Na-Tha’

Do not recite the mantra when you are engaged in particularly important tasks that require your full attention, such as:

- Mathematical calculations for a project

- Checking a patient’s pulse

- Teaching students and interacting with them about the lesson

- Operating a machine where both hands are involved

However, you may chant the mantra while driving on a very familiar road of your daily travel, but never on an unfamiliar road.

Chanting Mantras can be done in three ways: vocal (Vachik), whispered (Osthik), and mental (Manas). Mental chanting is considered the best, so you should practice that. The throat contains the Throat Chakra (Vishuddha Chakra), where you should silently utter the mantra without moving your tongue, lips and jaw. With a little practice, you will master this.

6) Keep a diary of your anger –

In this diary, include (horizontally):

Date:             Time of anger:       Duration of anger:          Reason for anger:

Be very honest with yourself when writing in this diary because it is for your own benefit, not for anyone else to see. Write down the name of the person you got angry with, no matter who it is. If you get angry in a dream and wake up, note it down in the diary. If you forget the dream, do not worry and you may consider that you had a good sleep, which is also good for anger management. But it should not happen every night because if you cannot recall dreams week after week or you feel that you never dream during sleep then you may consider it as a sleep disorder. Practicing meditation correctly can significantly help with sleep disorders.   

However, this diary will help you clearly understand whether your ability to control anger is improving or not.

7) Always stay in the present –

From the time you wake up in the morning until you go to bed at night, pay special attention to all your activities and movements. Narrate them as they happen, such as:

“I am waking up. I am getting out of bed. I am going to the bathroom. Now I am brushing my teeth.”

You can describe it even more precisely, such as:

“I am picking up the toothbrush. I am opening the toothpaste cap. I am putting toothpaste on the brush. Now I am brushing my teeth—up and down.”

As much as you detail, your work will slow down, but it will yield good results quickly. And if you feel that you might be late for office or any work, then express the main points without going into details. But gradually practice the finer points.

This is very important for mental concentration.

8) Walk for a few minutes –

After waking up in the morning and after dinner at night, walk for at least 20 minutes. Always remember that this is essential not only for anger management but also for your general health. Walk slowly and try to breathe in with every four steps and breathe out with next four steps. And recite the mantra while exhaling only.

Caution! In my earlier blog post, I wrote that mantras should only be recited during exhalation. Not during inhalation.

9) Get enough and good sleep –

Sleep at least 8 hours if you are under 50 and above 25, and at least 6 hours if you are over 50. But if you meditate and feel that sleep for a lesser duration than this does not cause any discomfort, then it's okay. And if you feel that you need more sleep, then definitely sleep more. Lack of sleep is detrimental. However, lost sleep can be compensated. It means if you sleep 2 hours less one day, you'll need to sleep 2 hours more the next day. In medical science this is called ‘sleep debt' or 'sleep deficit.' But this should not happen all the time. If you consistently lack sleep, it will cause damage to your body and mind. Stress and anger will undoubtedly increase. So, on days off, try to sleep a little longer.

Before sleeping and immediately after waking up, recite the mantra for at least 5 minutes. You can chant the mantra lying on your back on bed. Do not take a pillow while chanting lying on bed.

10) Practice Ashtanga Yoga meditation –

If you want to fully eliminate anger or rage from within yourself, then you must practice Ashtanga Yoga. I have mentioned this before. It's a type of yoga that will change your entire life, not to mention your anger! It will take you beyond all the sorrows and sufferings of human life. Guaranteed. But there's only one condition – you must do it exactly right.

This is a very big subject. So, I won't cover it all in this blog post. But I said in the previous blog post that I'd explain it briefly. So now, concentrate on this.

What is Ashtanga Yoga?

It is just a method of meditation or mindfulness that can bring happiness, peace, wealth, good health, and everything else into your life. Even when practicing it correctly, there may come a time when you can foresee what the future holds for you.

Nearly 2200/2300 years ago, after Gautama Buddha in ancient India, the great sage Patanjali wrote about it in Sanskrit. And it is famous as Patanjali's "Yoga Sutra". Then, in 1896, Swami Vivekananda gave it a very meaningful new name - "Raja Yoga" - and people followed it. But gradually, due to political decline, envy, hatred, greed, and violence increasing, most people couldn't follow it properly. And today, the deteriorating financial and mental conditions of people have shown even more need for it.

In this situation, some people are mistakenly reading other books with the same name. Let me tell you here that Swami Vivekananda's "Raja Yoga" is the only one. In the market, you might find others' writings with the same name "Raja Yoga". Stay alert while buying.

Nowadays, many people interpret "Yoga" as just exercise. So, many people mistakenly buy a book written by someone in South India and read it - that's "Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga". There are many others like this. Almost all of these are taken from the book written nearly 600 years ago called "Hatha Yoga". But you do never make a mistake while buying “Raja Yoga” or Patanjali’s “Yoga Sutra”.

This is because people nowadays love to do any type of physical exercises. A growing 'Gym' industry is a prime example. I often see many young boys and girls start going to a gym and spend a lot of money, but most of them give it up after some time. It causes more harm than benefit. However, a little exercise is always good for the body; walking be the best one.

What is the difference between "Ashtanga Yoga" or "Raja Yoga" and "Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga"?  

Ashtanga Yoga is a way to meditate without causing discomfort to the body and to completely change life including one’s physical fitness. And Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga is a set of physical exercise keeping the body in various poses with some discomfort in most cases to keep the body healthy. In my experience, the result of this is not satisfactory in most cases. In a much simpler way: Ashtanga Yoga (Raja Yoga) is meditation. Ashtanga Vinyas Yoga is just physical exercise.

But, of course, this can be a matter of debate because now millions of organizations worldwide are promoting yoga exercise. Nowadays, degrees and diplomas are also being offered in colleges and universities for yoga exercise. Almost every school in big cities is appointing yoga teachers. Yoga teachers are coming to almost every house either to keep the body healthy or to cure some diseases through exercise. This yoga exercise is creating new income opportunities for millions. So, I won't argue. I just said what I see around me.

Anyway, these are things to be understood very carefully. These are also personal preferences.

In fact, we are here learning how to control anger or rage now.

The eight limbs of Maharishi Patanjali's 'Ashtanga Yoga' are as follows:

1) Yama

2) Niyama

3) Asana

4) Pranayama

5) Pratyahara

6) Dharana

7) Dhyana

8) Samadhi

None of these are associated with physical exercise; rather, all of them are linked with mental discipline.

Yama – Five social disciplines must be observed:           

1. Ahinsa (non-violence),
2. Satya (truthfulness),
3. Asteya (non-stealing),
4. Brahmacharya (to take the mind to Brahma or the Supreme Reality and to control over all worldly pleasures),
5. Aparigrah (not accumulating more than necessary and not desiring what belongs to others).

Niyama – Five personal disciplines must be observed:

1. Soucha (keeping the body and mind pure),
2. Santosha (being satisfied with what one has),
3. Tapas (perseverance, control over joys and sorrows, and being calm in mental conflict),
4. Swadhyaya (self-study – studying scriptures, introspection, seeing everything with inner vision),
5. Ishwar Pranidhana (surrender to God – having complete faith and reliance on the Almighty, whether in good or bad, and performing righteous deeds).

Asana – It refers to sitting in any posture without causing any discomfort to the body even for a prolonged period. It is not only just for meditation but also beneficial at other times also. This brings physical stability.

Pranayama – Once you learn to sit properly, you can practice Pranayama. Initially, it involves just breathing slowly – inhaling slowly and exhaling slowly. Keep the spine straight and you must maintain equal duration for inhalation and exhalation. Do not hold the breath inside. I shall explain the complete method of Pranayama separately, including Purak(inhalation), Kumbhak(retention), and Rechak(exhalation). But even if you practice only this basic level of Pranayama, you will reap full benefits. You can find details in books or on the internet but be careful not to stray onto the wrong path, as there are many types of pranayama defined by many. In case of any confusion just follow Swami Vivekananda’s Raja Yoga. Pranayama has many benefits but practicing it incorrectly can be harmful.

Pratyahara – The simple meaning of this is to renounce or give up or let go. I shall explain the full meaning later in a different way in a separate blog post. But what kind of letting go? Primarily, it involves letting go of the specific sensations of the five sense organs among the ten Indriyas. Oh! This sounds difficult, right? No, let me simplify it. The five sense organs are – Chakshu -eye, Karna - ear, Nasika - nose, Jihva- tongue, Tvak -skin. Their specific sensations mean the good and bad of each: good sight-bad sight, good hearing-bad hearing, pleasant smell-unpleasant smell, good taste-bad taste, pleasant touch-unpleasant touch. These sensations must be viewed equally or completely renounced. Let me explain this with only two examples that you all encounter every day. You get very excited about pleasant and unpleasant smells. When walking down the street, you suddenly exclaim, “Oh, what a bad smell!” You want to show that you dislike such a smell. But what about those who are surrounded by that smell? This must be stopped. Your tolerance should be such that it makes no difference to you. Similarly, many people cause trouble in restaurants – ‘why is this like this? less spice, less salt, no taste, etc.’ They do the same drama at home. They argue over the taste of food to relish the tongue. They push the food away. All this must be stopped. These feelings are the food for the sense organs. This must be renounced. I shall explain the rest later and in more detail.

Dharana – It's very simple. You must focus all your mind on a specific subject. Just one subject. It's not that easy though. I see many people practicing various types of rituals, reciting various prayers, and mantras! You must stop it and focus on one thing.

Dhyana – I don't even need to say it. Everyone knows – it’s meditation. But then just understand this that only after fully mastering the previous six aspects, you will be eligible for meditation, right? That's why I said in my previous blog post that if you haven't learned to swim, and you are thrown into the middle of the river, will you be able to reach the shore by flailing your arms and legs? So, you can understand that the way most people are spreading the idea of meditation is not entirely correct. Prepare yourself first. Start from today. It won't take too long.

Samadhi – You can call it 'liberation'. However, let me say another word for this Samadhi. It's a bit different. It's 'attainment'. Coming to this stage doing meditation if you want liberation, you'll get it. If you want something else, you'll get that too. But the main and ultimate goal of yoga is indeed liberation. So why did I say the other thing? Because you all know that among billions of people, very few desire liberation. That's why I said whatever you desire, you'll get it when you reach this stage. It might take a little longer. But by then, perhaps your desire might change. Now, before starting it what you think very desirable to you may seem meaningless later on.

That's it for today. Just practice everything properly.

In the next blog post, I'll explain how to practice Ashtanga Yoga in daily life in a straightforward manner, regardless of how busy you are with your profession.

Now, let me tell you something special this time. Many have personally learned and transformed themselves from my teachings. Anger, stress, everything has subsided, and many are achieving great success in their professions. They say they are now calm, have control over their minds, and have increased physical and mental strength. Many family disputes have been resolved, I mean, they have resolved their conflicts in their families.

If any of you want to learn personally, you can contact me via WhatsApp. Ensuring everyone's privacy is my foremost duty.

Stay calm. May the concentration of your mind increase. May peace prevail everywhere.